I am puke
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
