So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
