So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
