I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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