am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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