On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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