And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
