It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
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I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
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I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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