eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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