I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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