Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
