Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
