I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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