I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
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Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
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Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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