Jerry, you need to find god
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
