There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
