My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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