i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
