omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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