Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
