She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
