he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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