Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
