So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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