Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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