i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
