if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
