So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
