Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
