I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
