I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
