Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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