the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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