Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
