i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
