every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We're too hungover to prance.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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