I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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