The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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