btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
