I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
