My liver just broke up with me...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
