i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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