I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
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I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
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Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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