yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The best revenge is premature balding
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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