he wants to bone in the snuggie
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
