It's Friday. Sex?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
