Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
