we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
