i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
