he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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