get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
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I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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