I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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