So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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