I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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