i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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