I accidentally burped into my bong.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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