I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
