If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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