I smell stomach acid.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
