No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
