just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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