the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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