just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
