Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
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She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This toilet bowl is my home.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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