I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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