I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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