Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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