Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
