; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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